I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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