Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
