hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
