in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
