Moan for me like Helen Keller
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
