you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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