Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
