so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
