So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
