6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
