And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
