ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
