yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
