Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
