Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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