The best revenge is premature balding
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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