my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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