I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
