Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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