Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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