Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
