dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
