i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
