you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
