His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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