i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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