In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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