i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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