am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
