I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
