it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
