eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
