I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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