its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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