Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
