I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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