I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
