Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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