Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
