Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
