your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
