her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
