census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
