drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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