I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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