he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize