Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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