my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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