my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
