We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
