My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
