If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
