just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
