Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
