my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
