dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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