Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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