is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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