went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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