I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
