I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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