She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
