had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this hospital has no fireball
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
