she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
