ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
