No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
