Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
