she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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