somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
