Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
