I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
