pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
