I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
